Is Thin-shaming just as bad as Fat-shaming??

 

Everywhere you look on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook someone is posting a picture how men love women with curves and that skinny women should eat cheese burgers etc. Which in jest is all fine and dandy. However on the other hand if someone started a campaign on all men hate curves and fat women should back away every time they saw McDonalds, the viewpoint changes. I would like to make it clear that being either overweight or underweight isn’t healthy however there is very little if any understanding to how people get into these conditions in the first place. There the argument that the media allow such images to portray a more slender body type as acceptable in modern day society but as someone who has always been quite slim (even more so as I get older),  it is NOT acceptable unless you are on the front cover of hello or ok magazine.  I say I eat a fairly ‘healthy’ diet with an even healthier body image, however, due to genetics or the way my body is programmed, the foods I eat that I kinda stay in the size 6-10/skinny-to-slim/ low-but-not-underweight-bmi –range. It could be a range of reasons. But sometimes I get the feeling it is like ‘how dare you be so tall and slim’ and it’s not like I can really put the attitude back as ‘how dare you be so fat’ as that is seemed rude and disrespectful. But turn that attitude around; I see pictures on twitter and Instagram of women degrading other women because of the lack of ‘curves’ or womanly body parts. Which in some cases has definitely lead to the rise in breast and bum implants. I understand fat-shamming is also an issue but that’s another discussion for a different day. Anyway the point I am trying to make here is that women should not slander each other no matter what the size or shape. All women need to spend a day watching the dove commercials and love the skin they are IN before they can start throwing stones (or bones as per the memes).

 

Truth

This is the new age, the age of he dreamers,thrill seekers, risk takers, entrepreneurs, independence, enjoyment, knowledge and everything else. As a 25 year old living in a world where everything is a grey area, everyone is taking knowledge from different places making it their own. Nothing, absolutely nothing is truth. As T. Harv Eker always says at the start of his seminars 'don't listen to a word I say' because he is speaking from experience, giving advice based on HIS truth and it's up to you if you want to use it or believe in it. However if this is the case why is there so much resistance, so much argument? And I can say I too am guilty of thinking MY truth was so much better than everyone else's. But it's not. Everyone has their own journey, their own past, living in the present and becoming into their future, therefore if someone is happy, how can we judge? We often try to help others who don't want/need to be helped and we often try to help others out of their misery but only they can do that for themselves. From becoming more aware of positive and developmental psychology from my uni studies it opened a whole new world for me. My life has been a series of ups and downs but through all these opportunities I have been presented to me it's now time to live MY truth and inspire others to live life through theirs. 

Independent ladies?

Hi, so it's me again, still single you know how it goes, well now here's something new just moved half way across the country and moved into my own house, broke the bank a bit (must save more) but you know thought I'd take a note from destiny's child 'the house I live in, I rent it' and all of that jazz. However as much as bey, kel and mich wanna talk about buying the shoes on their feet etc they did not tell you about the bedroom furniture or the estate agents ordering the cooker too late so your having to live off random cupboard food and the odd mcds if your in a hurry, which may I add isn't the best diet for someone who is looking to start training for tough mudder (a mega hard obstacle course) anyway my wardrobe (and bed) arrived today and the delivery man was a bit old so I felt bad asking him to take it up the stairs so when he left I guess I thought I would channel my inner hulk and attempt it myself! Eek managed to get one box and major back pain :( I had to lift each piece up the stairs and felt like I had done tough mudder already! The bed frame was easier, but a king-size matress up a very narrow stairwell? Nearly broke my back, then to make matters worse the wardrobe needs a new back panel and the bed & matress needs sending back :/ the point I'm trying to make here ladies is that if I had some sort of male around the house I would be back pain free and saved myself about 6hours putting all the fittings in my yet-to-essemble wardrobe! I think it's all good us being independent and I love beyonce as much as the next person but the next time she's singing all the single ladies think twice about whether or not he's putting a ring on it because at least she's got jay-z to put her wardrobes up! 

To date or not to date....

Ok, so I am up at silly o’clock getting ready for bed, about to wrap my mum’s ‘mothers day’ present and I’m considering some of the words my mother told me a few hours before. I have been single for nearly three years not loving or hating it but I’m very used to it. As I’ve written about it previously, I love wearing my old lady nighties to bed and not having to worry about shaving my legs! However more to the point my mum said that I should be more interested in dating as at the moment all I seem to care about is my career. This conversation came about as I was asked on a date from a guy I met online, which I then cancelled, re-scheduled, cancelled and then he tried to re-schedule, I said I was busy so I think he gave up. From the looks of it, that does look quite mean but I just couldn’t be bothered to travel one hour for a date! Then my mum asked me would I travel one hour for a business meeting and I didn’t even have to think about it, I knew I would because my businesses excite me, even my day job excites me but going on a date with someone I’m not even sure I like? That doesn’t excite me. So this makes me wonder, as young women in our mid to late twenties are we too wrapped up in our careers and future plans to even focus on dating and relationships? Are we so accustomed to being single, the effort needed to even go on a date is too much hassle? Or am I an outlier, are single women in the UK constantly going on dates and keen to enter a relationship? Don’t get me wrong I would love an amazing man to walk into my life but currently I know where my heart is and it belongs to my career!!

Anti-psychiatry movement

I do believe that sometimes society manifests this world of mental illness and locks people in their own mind. Those who are schizophrenic are dreamers like you and me but someone told them they were unrealistic and not to believe. They created their own world in order to escape, it lasted for a while, then destroyed them causing danger and chaos. If you are gay, you have rights, black/white/asian/hispanic, whatever race you have rights, animals have rights but if you have mental illness, in society it's not right, they forget you are a human, with rights. Times have changed from straight jackets and electrolysis, now the physical is separated from the mental, the emotional, yet they haven't realised that drugs only help the physical, there's little that will help the mental and emotional. Money is all around, some are too blind to see the fortunes laying in front of them, so while some of e rich help some of the poor, they are unaware that there are some who need more. Need care attention love life freedom choices, many are locked up and forced to believe that mental illness is permenant, when we all know its like a flu, a cold, no cure but you can always get better. Open your mind and look around dont underestimate those people around you, be aware of how mental illness is swept under the carpet, help if you can, understand it if you cannot.

Single woman syndrome

Yesterday I was just getting into my pyjamas and having a think that us single girls r just as complacent and women in a relationship, we all suffer from a bit of what I call single women syndrome. Side note: this article is not one of seriousness so unbutton your uprightness n be easy. I am going to use myself as prime example of this, because I feel that I am in a very comfortable cycle therefore if a man came long I could possibly be at a loss as it would change my whole lifestyle. First I would have to get sexy. Like no more curlers, headscarfs, face creams at night, because to be fair, that can look scary even in the mirror let alone to anyone else. Also I sleep in like tons of clothing, pjs, dressing gown, I look like a pink mummy, the man would leave before he's even arrived. Another thing is comfort like although they say women let themselves go in relationships, single girls do as well cos they ain't got no1 to get hot for we just stay lukewarm and hope 4 the best. I.e getting into shape, eyebrows, bikini line (I'm not going to get into it but you know what I mean). I just had a convos with one of my girlfriends and it's fair to say we resemble something out of planet of he apes more so when we're single. Next I would have to make time. I find I have very little free time and I can be a culprit of saying 'I don't have time for a man' but like if Beyonce's got time then I guess we all do.  Another problem is phone convos, when I finish work late, tired want my bed and a nice hot ovaltine, the last thing I want is a man giving me sexy talk down the phone line when all I want to do is sleep. I think I'm better off dating myself cos I'm heading off to a lonely road of nine dogs (i don't like cats) and a rocking chair. The way we get conditioned into this 'miss independent' lifestyle get used to it and enjoy it so much, then complain we haven't got a man, don't make sense. If it ain't broke don't fix it, but single ladies if u want a man u got to change it. 

I love my hair

Hello ladies, even gents J I would just like to raise an issue that is talked about a lot in society especially within black women, that issue/topic is hair. I think hair is lovely, we can do all sorts of things to it, put more on, take some off, add colour, curls, straighten and so forth. However, when does it come to a point that your hair is so different than how you started, you don’t even know what you look like anymore? This article is going to address the over-use of weave in modern day society and try to figure out why so many people (women) hide their beauty under a head of Brazilian/Columbian/Indian/Peruvian hair. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen some lovely weaves and hair styles but let’s not over do it. Recently I had a 14inch curly looking weave thing going on, everyone was like ‘oh you look so nice’, and yes the hair did look good but it was frustrating me. Why? Because 1) when I looked in the mirror, it didn’t really look like me. 2) I missed my hair, the look feel touch, everything about it. So it makes me wonder when women have weave after weave after weave with no break, if they are bald or what’s really going on. I’ve heard that Brazilian hair is about £75 pound a packet and if you buy two that’s about £150 quid, then hairdressers, that’s £200 pound to wear someone else’s hair to look like someone else. Clearly this is an issue that needs to be addressed. 1^st I’m going to put it out there: Ladies you are beautiful, don’t let no magazine fool you, no man or whoever tell you otherwise. Weave in or not, this will not change. However, some people are using this hair as a tool to boost self-confidence, therefore never truly being confident to themselves. Fair dos, you see Beyonce with her wigs, weaves, whatever, but chances are when she gets off stage whatever, she takes that shit off and gives her head and neck a break from that heavy load she’s carrying up there. I am not saying wearing weaves is a bad thing because it’s nice to change the look sometimes different styles, maybe you want your hair to grow, so many reasons. But when you become dependent on having someone else’s hair on your head, it’s time to check the inner self and inner love. For example, if I said to you there will never be any weave in production after today, what would you do? Some women would possibly be on the verge on suicide. So come on ladies, especially black ladies, show the world how beautiful you are without a weave, hair straightened or not. Don’t let your hair and other images in society define you. Also I would like to add, men, especially black men, stop contradicting yourself! I see and hear so many men saying they don’t like weave, perm, bla bla bla. Yet! They only date or say they only date women with long/straight/non-afro hair. Men, get it together! Now I’m not telling the ladies to let themselves go and be having a jungle of whatever on their head-top, I’m just saying you don’t need a weave to be beautiful and it’s nice to see women with their own hair and men should appreciate women more as they naturally are rather than whatever the media has conjured up for them. (I am living proof of this, as when I have my natural hair, black men don’t really want to know, most times, as soon as I get that 12inch (whatever name brand) weave sewn it, it’s like my name is man magnet dot com.). So ladies, to conclude, I’m not saying to ditch the weave but love your hair & know your beautiful no matter what J